A glimpse from the life in the middle of a depression

Posted: November 22, 2016 in depression and anxiety
Tags: , , , ,
I am sometimes asked how it is to be in the middle of a depression. The reply is not uplifting. Because both the depressed person and the family find themselves in the middle of a crisis. And when you feel like how I am about to describe, there is nothing to do but try to firefight.

Twisted reality


Distortion, André Kertész 1894-1985

The depressed person is in a twisted reality, where you move in absolutes. Everything is black/white and without grey areas.
I am stupid, ugly, and fat!
I am disgusting!
I am hopeless!
I am no good at anything!
I am to blame for everything bad in the world.
I ruin everything I touch: My family, my work, projects, the dishwasher, clothes etc.

You feel despondent. Everything is overwhelming, unmanageable, and is experienced to be a lost cause before you have even begun: shopping, dropping and collecting children, housework, bedtime, getting up and getting dressed. Everything is overwhelming because you don’t have the energy, the perspective or the desire to do these tasks.

All emotions at all times

All emotions are lying near the surface at all times. You go from lying apathetically on the floor to loudly sobbing and the next moment you’re being aggressive and giving your partner a verbal overhaul.
You then get a guilty conscience, blame yourself, and this amplifies the guilt and shame you already feel for merely existing. You have suicidal thoughts that are so appealing and convincing because they feel like a complete solution to existence for one’s self and one’s family – regardless of whether or not you have children.

Do you know it?

It was me back in 2003-2011…in that period, I went through 2 depressions still being able to work and being sick in my spare time. And then finally ending up having a work-stress-related depression in 2010, getting laid off and away from the working force in 3 years.

Anyway when you read above, do you know it?


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